Midget granny
When you can't make any new friends based on common interests or values, you can always fall back on old booty calls, or since I was too young to know any better, "girlfriends."
I haven't seen her in about ten years (yes, for lack of trying) but she contacts me relentlessly. Convenient for me since I don't have many people to bitch to who will always agree with me and run to my defense. She doesn't know me on an intimate, or even daily (or at least not for a long, long time) basis but she believes everything I say. Isn't that what friends are for?
Regardez, Maman et Papa, I always chose cafards. Or, rather, they chose me. Every girl after her has been an improvement, lol.
Where shall we start? She's about 2 cm short of a midget, is a self-professed motormouth (lucky for me since I have nothing too interesting to say usually) with a petit boudin body, about as mildly educated as me, and even worked as a maid for a spell (mon pareil). Yes, she ditched her illustrious career as an Administrative Assistant in the States to follow her pretty boy husband. A handsome face with a career, some education and life experience wasn't in her cards so she grabbed what was available! But girls like these don't get the whole package. They chase and woo and sometimes manage to convince. Proof that the humble-looking want what they don't have. (N.B. Orianna/Alison!) And after a few years in France, her French is just as good as Orianna's.
If you've been in my life for any significant amount of time, maybe you've heard me explain their marriage in this way: that her husband, being almost ten years younger than her, doesn't know any better, that he hasn't had any previous Philippinas, so is unduly overwhelmed by her.. um.. talent. Me? I've had plenty of them, as you should know by now (though the stellar ones elude me).
She dissed that psycho ex of mine on my blog but is it so bad to be insulted by a maid/circus freak??? Especially one with pedestrian literary tastes who's now resorted to selling T-shirts and aprons to her family and myspace friends. Everyone has at least one bad photo but what if all of yours reveal the same characteristics- small, round eyes; formless stub of a nose; slight, chunky torso punctuated by a heaving chest. A bit like a pug. Don't forget that she meets her husband half-way, convenient for him.
Ouais, Papa- c'était la mienne! Je l'ai pas refusée. Just imagine her Vienna sausage body with DD boobs straddling me and rubbing away furiously. Isn't that so H-O-T??? I could barely contain myself. LOL The original Pequeña Prohibida. Ouais, Yassmine- c'est mon pareil, habitue-toi à ça! On s'entend encore, même de loin (c'est facile).
A few years ago after a tearful break-up with Mr. Romy in Philadelphia, she insisted that fly to LA so we could have sex. I graciously refused. You don't need to have met her to know that. If you've seen enough of her photos, you'd know why. I had moved on, became pickier. I wasn't that desperate... yet. I know, I know- if you had read everything up to this point you may wonder why I refused her yet allowed raisin-faced Marie into my home that one barren summer. I must have been in my MILF phase.
So, these days I'll email her in spurts but she's the one who posts messages on my profiles pleading "Send me some news!.... Where are you?" because I've forgotten about her once again, buried in the mind-numbing tedium of my corporate slavery and deficient social life.
Someone must have lost sight of the meaning of the word "loser." It's not the American connotation that you just throw around to someone who disagrees with you (but that's certainly useful sometimes!). Of course, her family and friends will tell her that she's beautiful, intelligent, talented, etc. - but don't yours tell you the same???
She hilariously misidentified a friendster profile as Marianna. She should have known better than to mistake yet another plain Jane butterball as her. If she had been around me recently, even for 3 months, then she would have heard the candid comments I've made about Marianna's appearance- her olive alibaster skin and lustrous hair, her face (because one blurry photo doesn't reveal why she was in my life for over a year)...and other body parts whose equal I can't seem to find... or she can ask Tim... or maybe a coworker. You know, someone who's seen her in person??? But nothing beats echoing my sentiments and thoughtlessly sticking to my side. :-)
I seem to have a thing for Office Ladies. After all, they make me feel so.. manly, clever, and ambitious... superior in every way. I wouldn't want a girl who upstages me, would I? A bit difficult to explain to Maman et Papa et tous les autres who want me to find a girl who's my equal. lol
