¨The Internet is not a good place to meet girls!¨

Yes, I´ve whined that a million times already.. but since I have no other option- and no game in real life- that´s how I meet chicks. You´d think I´d get the point by now and realize that I have no connection with these girls besides their sexuality and availability but I have no real friends besides Tim who can keep me company, and he just got married. Just ask anyone who has spent a whole weekend with me (in the past 3 years). Casual ¨friends¨and booty calls don´t count.

In this dry spell maybe another Marie or Jennifer (see above) can contact me out of the blue and "keep me company." I tell those girls they´re hot and sexy but avoid introducing them to my only real friend in LA outside work, Tim, who lives only three doors away. Who cares if they can only turn me on in one way??? Or that they usually speak only one language? Or that we have nothing on common?

Meanwhile, the cool girls are traveling around the world with their own money, finishing PhD or MD programs, moving forward in their highly respected careers, learning new languages, accepting their bodies as they are and refusing to maim themselves with plastic surgery... and here I am on myspace looking for ¨friends¨ with webcams. Maybe someone will fall for that "I'm hot sexy crazy cool" schtick. Maybe someone who's not a teenybopper this time! LOL There's also meetup.com... finding new faces - fully-clothed - for a change - because there was no previous one-on-one introduction where I can show just how bland I really I am. No, it's a free-for-all; you RSVP yes or no and nobody can stand you up. After all, they're not meeting only me, right??? Voila, ready-made company! Why can't it always be as easy as this?

The first time I brought Orianna. I know- a bit inappropriate, but I had no other option as usual! A group full of adults with careers and a plethora of life experiences, yet my guest is a fillette barely out of college and spends her free time looking for pretty boys on myspace, not to mention can't utter more than "Bonjour...c'est moi... bisous." And her idiotic Botox smile. But I can't relate to people my age! The women are all bitches who don't give me the time of day and the real men scare me!

A lot of married women in that group - YAY! Maybe one of those French-speaking Asian chicks will show up. Maybe she'll have big boobs. Maybe she'll have an OK face this time. Maybe she'll be lonely and desperate, too, and want to hear what I have to say. Hmmm, gotta think of something interesting to talk about. She may not be into anime, porn and masturbation like me. Not much nihongo since Caro left, just lots of hentai. Uhhhh......

Sushi??? Yeah, I'll brag that I order natto!

And have a big dick.

That always works.

There's not much else to me, anyway.