Mi Vida Loca

....in a Flash. ;-)

After sometimes twelve hours at Sony, I go home and watch several DVDs back-to-back, work on one of my rigs, get a little closer to my Sony Playstation. My psycho ex sends me reminders of my pathetic life and decidedly dreck dates; I just tell my family and few friends that she still wants to marry me. Since they're not actually involved in my daily life and don't know otherwise, they believe me! :-) Oh, yeah- I also troll for chicks online until early AM. It's my way of faire du lèche-vitrine, window-shopping, because I don't have much game in person and can't work it in clubs or bars. You might have seen me on one of these sites:

Match.com
Naseeb
Yahoo personals
Matchmaker
Myspace
Friendster
hi5 (my mommy introduced me to this one)
Bingbox
Chinatownfrance
Megafriends (check me out, I'm "kratos999")
Place4friends (this is where I look for Thai chicks)
Datingdynasty (I look for brunette chicks who stick their asses up in the air)

None of these LA bitches will give me the time of day! Well, except the ugly ones looking for a trophy boy they can't otherwise get or the ones with a fetish for femme boys. Lucky for them I can't afford to be picky.

I don't know why it's so hard to meet someone like my perfect mommy. She's really worried about me not getting married (30 is coming soon). Even when I'm in a relationship with a perfectly nice girl or a truly unique one, she encourages me to play around, to look for the perfect girl of her dreams. I mean, my dreams.

I'm not a complicated guy. I eat, shit and look for booty. I suffer from a hilariously low level of self-awareness (but I like to tell people I'm wise and perceptive- the young, naive and in-awe-of-my-looks believe me). I scratch my balls and smoke incessantly and wonder why my hands smell funny. I have the ataxic gait of a retard but complain that women here don't walk sexy or aren't feminine enough. I'm 120 lbs., 20 of which is my dick. You need a microscope to look at my couilles. Don't ask me where my hair went. I'm such a slob- how did those tiny brown splotches get into my underwear??? On most weekends I live on the reversed hikikomori clock - waking up around noon and sleeping in the early morning hours (unless I can tag along with some coworkers or feel like contacting my only option for company). I eat shwarmas religiously, slick my one-eyed wonder weasel up to six times a day (sex with the one I love the most- right, Mr. Allen?), on weekends I usually log into my gmail account every two hours, play the same video games, and then bitch and moan to my mommy that life is dull here. I go to every official and unofficial Sony outing to get out of the house (and it's easier than picking up chicks). Girls with a good sense of smell- and standards - avoid me. I can't attract or hold onto decent girls or original personalities. I'm very plat myself- "unexciting."

I noticed some bird shit on my car today. It was probably my psycho ex. I'm sure she can fly, maybe on her broom, and do stuff like that- who cares what I learned in Biologie??? She's very sly and resourceful, certainly more than me.

Anyway, while I recount below my love life over the past few years - surely pitiful for someone as pretty as me - here's a sweet summary of it at this point.

My lovely and perfect family

worries about me. They want me to marry a pretty and rich girl soon.

When are you going to give me grandchildren???, my mommy asks me.

My dad thinks I'm afraid of pretty girls and go after cafards- cockroaches. Like my brother, he says. But he respects my decision.

After seeing my chicks, you'll see why. But they make fun of decent, cool and even attractive girls that as well. Nobody's good enough for the tall, fair Yssef.

My cousins always tell me that my wife will be a very lucky girl.

My sister found my last girl frightening, couldn't bear to think of her lips on mine, and urged me to quit my Asian fetish and find my equal. Little does she realize that I've found my equal many times. I just want something better.

My lovely and perfect family.



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