Manouschka serves drinks at a club for a living. She played a zombie in a hip-hop horror film whose name I've already forgotten (and so have the casting directors, poor thing).
This striking and buxom blowhard prided herself on knowing words like "elder" and "inexplicable." Those are big words for a junior college dropout! According to Quizilla on her myspace page (500 friends!) her linguistic knowledge is very high, despite some quite obvious and cringe-worthy vocabulary goofs in her writing that no truly literate or intelligent person would make. LOL She professed a passion for Rumi and Alduous Huxley to separate herself from the pack - not that I know who they are. A self-proclaimed geek, she thought we'd get along famously- me with my animation and she with her... uh, shoes. Did we have any conversations about Ptolemy and zoetropes and The Sinking of the Lusitania??? Did we oooh and aaah over the the Belkin Pre-N wireless router's blazing speed??? Did she even know the video game I was working on??? NOPE! Who cares- she had big boobs. Wooaaaah.
But this is LA- you can be whatever you want to be. :-p
American identity politics being what it is, she claimed in her match.com profile to have royal blood in her veins, in addition to being brilliant (her model friends told her so!), and was having trouble meeting guys with the cojones to last with her. (Like me, she's not too blame for her single status.) Though Haitian, she claimed to speak standard French, plus Spanish. I realized quickly on the first date that she lied about being a polyglot, and was really only monolingual, like most of my dates, but I didn't mind. (With those boobs???) She was exceptionally chatty, like someone long deprived of male company, very eager to show off vocabulary words that she just learned, desperate to prove that she wasn't just a pretty face. (Lucky for her I'm too retarded to notice the truth and see past her boobs.) I told my mommy that she dressed too much like a model and wore too much makeup. (But that's what one does on dates- accentuate what you have and exaggerate or make up the rest, right???) She seemed to be into me -Hallelujah! - and had double DDs too (though fake; see photo). She wasn't even offended that I asked a million questions about her boob job and couldn't take my eyes off them. Now that's a quality girl! Why can't all girls be that confident (or so hard up for attention to overlook such crassness)??? She even went to the trouble of googling me (such a rare skill, you know).
We went to The Geisha House- a sleek, laughably inauthentic, über-trendy Japanese restaurant in Hollywood. Strictly a beginner's Japanese joint, it served everything- sushi, tempura, yakitori, little plates - brought to you by Caucasians wearing fisherman outfits and girls in geisha costumes - a veritable Nihon-Disney! But the numerous video monitors showing porn, game shows and anime were cool, too! I was happy to go because I had a date who was into me, plus I love sushi. Sushi- we have so much in common! She ordered shrimp poppers. I'm glad she enjoyed the food- her choice, like all high-maintenance girls- because it was way overpriced. $150 for mediocre food and the privilege of watching fake boobs all night (it was a mecca for starlets, porn stars, and the "beautiful" people). I told Marianna that it was a "nice" restaurant when she spied the souvenir matchbook on my coffee table. I always pretend to enjoy the activities of a girl who gives me attention, because it happens so rarely.
(Later in a myspace blog I bitched about this - the overpriced, trendy restaurants with no soul. That psycho eventually saw it and pointed out correctly in an unexpected comment, "Branché mais vide (trendy but empty), just like your date- and you said you liked it!" Uh-oh, this hypocrite was busted! So I quickly deleted it. Don't want any of my casual or absent "friends" to notice that.)
Things were so hot that we made out on out first date. I thought I was going to marry her! (I always think this when the first date goes well.) I even told my mommy. I showed her my demo reel from college- because she asked and I was too much of a pussy to say 'no,' not because she was my girlfriend or someone close to me or someone I could talk shop with. Besides, maybe I could have had some nookie out of this potentially bonding moment. Alas, the pretty girls don't give it up too quickly. :-( I didn't find anything wrong with her until she became too uncomfortable with me still chummying around with Marianna. "But she's a cool girl, not too many like her," I protested several times, "I can't just let her go. " But it got to be too much for her. Narcissism reared its ugly head and slammed into yet another insecure actor. After another night working hard for those tips, she told me the next day that we couldn't go any further- not with someone who can't let go of an ex (who easily overshadows her). Plus after reading foul and caustic comments about her on Marianna's myspace blog, she was afraid of her. Nobody likes to be exposed for the pretentious dolt she really is! "Can't let go of an ex" - what the @#$%^&* was she talking about???
Later that night I called Marianna to ask her to come over and watch a movie with me.
Manouschka didn't like to be called a Trophy Girl. She wanted to be appreciated for her.. ahem.. mind. Kinda like me. Hence the literary name dropping on her profiles (me, too). She was looking for a cerebral guy, so why was she so interested in me? Because she was desperate for some action after a biblical dry spell, too! So much in common, tsk tsk tsk... I would never have been able to fulfill her Sex and The City delusions.
In my excitement over a real Trophy Girl, I thought about marrying her. (I'm obsessed with marriage and my mommy had just given me a big push before she left a couple of months earlier. I was on a mission!) But had I stayed with her, she would have no doubt seen me in one of my vicious black moods in which I criticize everything she says and does and forget any shred of kindness previously shown to me: "Why don't you know French? Why can't you speak Japanese and Romanian like ____? Why don't you know these French songs like my parents used to sing to me? Why didn't you finish school? Why couldn't you have gone to a good school? Do you actually read? Why can't we have sparkling conversations like I did with Marianna? Don't you know what real Japanese food is? Why do you always go to these trendy restaurants? The clubs you go to suck. Your waist is too big. Your boobs are fake - they don't turn me on anymore. You didn't slice the chilis correctly. I'm not gonna spend any money on you- what makes you think you're so special?" She's an actress- she's used to criticism, right?
Several months later I assured my anxious mommy that she wouldn't have any Black or Philippina babies.
Back to the beginning.
